One customer wondered why he couldn't get online - while the tower & CPU were in the shop being repaired . . .

Shortly after opening an Internet account, one customer asked, "hey, do I
need a computer to use that internet thing?". When told he would, the
customer closed the account to buy a computer first

One person, when told to "right click" on the start button , started typing.
When asked what he was typing, the person said, "you told me to write
'click'."

One customer called the ISP and asked why his software wouldn't install. The Techie went through the installation process with him (as described in the instruction handbook that was sent with the software). After about 5 minutes of talking to the guy the Techie realized the customer did not have the installation disk in his floppy drive!

Customer: "Your software doesn't work right. I get this message 'ERROR
WRITING TO DRIVE C: DISK IS FULL. What does that mean?" Tech
Support: "It probably means your disk is full." Customer: "Oh, thanks."

typing randomly without being touched. The Techie watched the screen as the keyboard typed without anyone touching it. Then the Techie looked at the keyboard - the customer had put a folder on the keyboard!

One Customer recently went into a local store to get a box of 3.5" 1.44 Mb floppy disks. The clerk brought out a box of 5 1/2" floppies. The customer
told the clerk that these were the wrong disks, and the clerk, very patiently and with the attitude that she was speaking to a real idiot, responded that the 3.5 inch disks were not floppy disks because they didn't flop. The clerk informed the customer that the 3.5 disks were hard disks, and the 5 1/2 disks were floppies because when you held them they flopped! The customer took a box of 3.5" "hard disks" and went home.

One office worker requested a toner CARTILAGE for a printer.

When a Techie instructed a customer to close all the windows that are open, the customer got up, closed all the windows, sat back down and said that they are all closed.

One computer-knowledgable person was rebuilding a neighbor's Win3.1
computer and couldn't get the modem to work (serial port conflict). Running a test, she opened the terminal program and tried to type "ATDT 555-5555" but of course nothing appeared on the screen. The neighbor looked over his shoulder, saw her typing and noted the terminal program not responding. Trying to be helpful, the neighbor asked what was wrong. The knowledgeable person explained that the modem wasn't working and she couldn't get anything to type onto the screen. The neighbor then said, "Well, if you can't get words on there, why don't you just change the fonts? Would that help?" Having finished the rebuild with help from a more technical source and returned the machine to the neighbor, she destroyed it 28 days later.

One customer phoned an ISP asking about services and prices. And,
considering that he was very interested it was natural for him to sign up.
Shortly after giving out his credit card number, he asked, "hey, do I need a computer to use that Internet thing?" When told yes, the customer resigned the subscription to buy a computer first

One techie, working Tech Support for a local ISP, couldn't get his Internet connections to work, so he called his own work for support . .

One person dialed a wrong number. When they were told that they had
misdialed, they asked the person they called for the number of the person that they were trying to call.

One customer called a modem manufacturer, asking if they made any longer phone cords for the modems. When told them that all the cords were the same length, the customer complained that it was going to cost them a fortune to move the phone socket closer to their PC.

A Techie, working in a college computer lab, noticed a woman sitting at a
computer and rubbing the top of her mouse gently with her fingertips. As he walked over to see if he could be of any assistance, she looked up at him gratefully. "This mouse won't work," she said. He reached for the mouse, tested it, and found it to be working perfectly. "OH!You have to MOVE it!" cried the delighted woman.

A couple walked into their ISP (Internet Service Provider) office and said
that they were unable to dial up and log into the network from home. When asked what software they were using to dial up, they replied, "Software? What is software?" A Techie explained what software was. "Oh, that," they replied. "What do we need software for? We have a modem."

One secretary complained that her computer wouldn't turn on. A Techie told her it's because her computer was turned off after she had left the day before to keep it from beeping during a power failure. "Just turn on that switch," she was told. "I already tried that. Watch." CLICK, CLICK "See, it still won't work." The Techie walked around her desk, turned the switch back on and told her, "You have to leave it on."

Another secretary asked if a Techie could fax over what I have for her boss.
"Not really," I replied. "Its a box of stuff." "Is it a big box?" she asked.
"Bigger than I can fit in my fax machine." "Oh. Okay, just put it in the mail,
than."
 

"Techie: ". . . Now we'll put in the Internet address in all lowercase letters."
Customer: "Okay, l, o, w, e, r, c, a, s, e . . ."

Customer: "I can't receive email!" Techie: "What's the problem?" Customer: "The person sending it can't send it!"

One tech received a call from a customer because her telephones do not
work. The customer thought that surfing the Internet broke her telephone lines.

One customer called Tech Support asking if it was ok to call Tech Support in the future if they ever had a problem. The tech answered (while laughing), "Of course not. We don't ever want to hear from you again." The customer got the point and laughed.

A customer called an ISP complaining that they were having problems with their e-mail. When asked if their computer was turned on they said no. When asked to go turn it on they said they weren't at home where their computer was!

Another customer called and complained that they could not connect at 56k speeds. They couldn't figure out why even though they had a 14.4 modem.

One customer emailed an ISP a nonfunctioning URL and included this note: "The requested URL was not found on this server. I would like to read through this site."

Customer: "I'm so aggravated with Microsoft. I wish someone would invent
an alternative!" Techie: "There already is an alternative." Customer: "What's that?" Techie: "Macintosh!"

One office manager came to a techie and asked him to call the professional tech support company they used. The techie asked what was wrong. The manager assured the techie it was a matter for emergency tech support. The techie went to the secretary and asked what was wrong. The monitor was on (ugly green monochrome) and the secretary was just sitting there, arms folded. "The computer froze! It doesn't do anything when I type!" The techie told the secretary to go take a break and immediately did the first check, which solved the problem: the keyboard was unplugged.

One customer sent an email inquiry to their ISP - with their street address as the return/reply-to address . . .

(Email message sent through form on website): "Please close my account." -
No name, no account number, no email address!
 

"There's something wrong with my modem. every time I try to connect, I get this screeching sound . . ."

"My email doesn't go through! I put in their correct address - their street
address!"

I'm having trouble faxing over the Internet . . .

One customer emailed an ISP (Internet Service Provider) directly
complaining that he could not find his email program - did he have one?

"The screen says, 'Enter your Email address.' Should I put my Email address in there?"

Techie: "Now enter your first name." Customer: "How do you spell that?"

One technician was asked if he could help a customer with her floppy drive because it was not reading the disk. He asked her if the disk was in the drive properly and if the door was closed. She said one moment. The technician hears her get up, walk across the room and close the door.

One customer called to cancel their Internet service - because they did not like the screen saver on their computer!

Another customer called a techie due to a dropped connection. The customer was unable to bring anything up on the screen. The techie asked the customer to check the cables leading into the monitor, but the customer couldn't even do that - due to the power failure!

One Tech could not find why the customer's computer would not connect
and spent an hour looking for the problem. Thinking the modem might
actually be defective, the tech asked the customer to look at the front of it
and tell me which of the red lights were on (External modem), to which he replied none - the modem was not turned on!

Many customers who, when told to type a "zero" ask if we want them to type the number zero or the letter zero. One time a Tech told a customer who asked this to type a capitol zero. She asked the Tech, "How do I do that?"

One customer had set the modem to dial to the phone number they were
calling from. When explained that this will cause a busy signal, the customer said, "What does that have to do with your busy signal problems?"
 

"This program says it has performed an Illegal action and will be shut down, but I'm not doing anything illegal!"

One customer had thousands of documents on the desktop. When told to
'trash' the documents, the customer dragged the trash can/recycling bin on top of each document's icon expecting it to disappear.

One customer was having a little problem with his mouse. The Techie heard a quiet scraping sound and then a couple of loud slams. The Techie then asked what the mouse was doing and the customer said it wouldn't hold still on anything long enough for him to click on it. After checking a couple of things and after having heard the customer repeatedly have the same problem with the mouse, the Techie quietly asked the customer to flip the mouse over. The customer had it laying upside down, rolling the ball with his fingers and slamming the mouse onto the desk in order to click!

"Every time I type something on the Internet or try to download something my keyboard hangs up on me!"

"Is the phone line between the wall jack and the back of the modem plugged in at both ends?" "I don't have a phone line there. Do I need to buy one?"

Do i need a usename and password to connect? The computer will not let me in it keeps asking for it. What should i do?

Why can't talk on the phone and be online at the same time? I only have one phone line and it connects. Is there something wrong with your service?

One customer put her computer into the dishwasher because it was dirty.

I had a customer who had problems installing his software to get online. I
read him the directions over the phone, word for word. These were the same instructions he had in front of him. He was able to get online right after completing the instructions.

One customer was instructed to click the start button (W95). She couldn't
find it and was told to go to the bottom left corner of her screen. After a few tries she said, "Okay, now the monitor is black. What do i do?" She was
pushing the power button for the monitor.

One customer called into a support center shouting at the top of his voice
that the (tax) program seemed to have a mind of its own and was moving all over the place and doing all sorts of things. When asked if he can pull up a form, he replied that it already had a form and it had entered 'Joe Taxpayer'. When told that he was running the program demo, the customer hung up without saying another word.

"Can you send me your software that upgrades my 2400 bps modem to
28.8?"

One customer canceled her internet service because the software was mailed to her without a modem in it. "You can't expect me to just go out and buy one!"

"I've got a 28.8 modem and I'm downloading (a 10 MB program). It's taking more than five minutes. Why is that?"

"Hi. Is it okay if I call back tomorrow for help?"

One ISP received an E-mail request from a customer asking them to check to make sure the customer's E-mail account was working. . .

"What's the URL address for www.yahoo.com?"

"There's something wrong with your server because my modem can't find a dial tone!"

One troubled customer explained the she had double-spaced her hard drive but her documents were still printing single-spaced.

"I just downloaded some software to my hard drive. Where did I put it?"

At one tech support center, customers often complain about the wait time
and then ask the tech support reps to wait while the computer starts up so that they can help the customer fix the computer. Meanwhile, other
customers have to also wait while the computer boots and then they
complain about the wait time and ask the rep to wait while the computer
boots . . .

"Something's wrong with my TCPacman.exe!"

"My Microsoft is broken."

There is the Tech Support technician who insisted on supplying an IP address to a computer on a LAN (Local Area Network) working through an ethernet card . . .

"Will my telephone ring when I have E-mail?"

"What do you have as your modem init string?" "Global Villiage Teleport
Gold." "Why that?" "That's the modem I have in it." (init)

"Can you help me? My E-mail is stuck in the phone line . . ."

"My E-mail program says to enter my name as I would like it to appear.
Does it matter if I use big letters or do I need to use small ones?"

"My computer says: 'please insert the disc labeled 'Windows 95'. Should I
insert the disc?"

"I have a 28.8 modem." "What's the maximum speed you set?" "4800
baud." "Why 4800?" "The computer always works too fast for me!"

When asked which part of his new computer wasn't working properly, one  customer said "the coffee cup holder". The technician insisted that the computer didn't come with a coffee cup holder, but the customer insisted that it did and now the holder was broken. It turned out that he was talking about the CD-drive, on which he had been putting his coffee cup.

One customer came into a technical support center with a box of disks and said: "Hi, I want to download the internet. Can you help me?"

Another customer refused to spend one more G-d D----d penny on his
computer until he got online - and he didn't even have a modem.

Yet another called an ISP irately complaining that his rental car had not
arrived and annoyed that the ISP was not the car rental company.

"Your software doesn't work and it should. I haven't touched it since before
I reformatted my hard drive and it was working then!"

"My computer says to restart. Should I restart my computer?"

"Do I need to plug my modem into the wall jack for it to work?"

"Do I have to dial into your computer to get connected?"

Tech: "What system software are you running?" Cust: "Windows 93." Tech:
"Do you mean Windows 95 or Windows 3.1?" Cust: "No, Windows 93!"
 
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Tech Supports Stories 2 ******